I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
