I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize