Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is it penis luge time yet?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I currently don't understand fingers.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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