hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
