I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
