I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
