it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
