its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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