okay pat passed out under dana's car
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
