my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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