his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
