New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
