I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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