My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
