I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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