Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
