some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
