I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
sex in a hospital.. check
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
