Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
