Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
