This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
