Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
