i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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