a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
