I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
