I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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