I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I could fuck to npr.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
