We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
