jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
