Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
