A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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