sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
