the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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