her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
