He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
