can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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