im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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