I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
