btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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