Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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