i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
