By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
