By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Mom said you looked used
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
