All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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