if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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