i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
