If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
