you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
