Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
