sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
