Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
