I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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