i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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