Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
