I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
