Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
