I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
