i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
