Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
