if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
A bitchslap is in order.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
