the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
