I wish life had little blips of pornography
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
