The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
